It's Not About Hitting Things....Mostly

I never knew how much I loved hitting things until I started hitting things. The loud thud every time my glove made contact with the bag and the sway of #100 from the rack made me feel powerful. Nothing felt better than after surviving the hour long workout and knowing I had more to give. Kickboxing made me feel strong and I fell in love with hitting the bag or mitts after a long frustrating day, it was my therapy.

But, that was after I found my groove. At the beginning it was torture. I was so embarrassed for not knowing the moves or becoming winded before the end of a round. How many times was I reminded to keep my hands up, heck, I still have to be reminded. What kept me coming back, rather than throwing in the towel, was the mentality that each class created. Kickboxing, or any martial arts, has a reputation of being tough. You are throwing punches and kicks growling out aggressively. Of course I felt like a total badass telling everyone that I do kickboxing even though I wasn't very good at it.

After a few months classes became a little easier. Lasting until the end of a round, typically 3 or 5 minutes, became lasting until the end of class without feeling like I was dying. My punches became more powerful and my kicks were actually landing without me falling. My feet were a little lighter, my arms were toned, my booty was popping, and the dreaded Mommy tummy was shrinking!! New goals were being set. No more "girly" pushups and adding weights to my squats were in the horizon. Then tragedy hit.

I was in a class and we were focusing on switching feet for out kicks. Easy enough, I've done this many times before. During one round, while in the groove, I felt a hard impact on the back above my leg, just above the foot. Someone threw a weight or something at the back of my leg!! As I look around for the object that attacked me and who did it I realized that it was my own body breaking. My Achilles tendon snapped and ruptured, making a loud enough "POP" that the rest of the class heard it. Immediately I sat down until I could be assisted to the hospital.

A month after my surgery, leg casted and hands calloused from the crutches I wanted to go back to class. It was just a leg and I had the whole rest of my body craving the movement. I went to a couple of classes during my recovery, propped my useless leg on a chair and went to town taking my frustrations out on the bag. I could still complete the sit-ups and donkey kicks but it was never entirely about the workout. I wanted to be around the supportive women, the tough mentality, and "can do" environment.

That's when I learned my true purpose in kickboxing classes. When everything seems so difficult, almost impossible and drains precious energy, these classes gave it all back. They were challenging but you conquer and progress. They wore you out physically but energized you mentally. They gave you goals and milestones when you felt like you were drifting. They gave you community and support when you felt alone in the world. The classes became less about losing weight and looking good but falling in love with what your body is able to do and creating a need to push yourself just a little more in the next class. Kickboxing goals became less about my outer appearance and more about my inner strength.

I have started over more times than I can count. Life gets in the way and as a woman, especially a mother, it is so easy to put self care on hold to serve others. Weight goes up and down with stress, hormonal cycles, and the position of the moon. Every time my jeans start to feel a little snug I get into a vanity mindset, there is an extra jiggle to my hips. That's when my confidence goes down and working out becomes something I just don't "feel like" doing. Then I shift my focus.... Can I last a 3 minute round? Are my kicks powerful? Are my push-ups "girly"? That's when I start "hitting" the gym again refueled by new goals that do not revolve around those jeans. Kickboxing is more than technical and power, it is an empowering mindset. My goal are now to share the gift of kickboxing to women who are looking to find their own inner warrior.